Birth Parents Intermediary Service

ACCESS TO BIRTH RECORDS

Birth Parents Intermediary Service

As a registered Voluntary Adoption Agency St David’s offers an all-Wales intermediary service for parents whose child was adopted pre-1976. This service is delivered in partnership with Adoption UK and in conjunction with the Regional Adoption Agencies in Wales.

As the parent of a child who was adopted you may have reached a stage in your life where you would like to understand more around the circumstances of your child’s adoption and access support for this loss. This service aims to support you as a parent to gain information and, if possible, offers support in tracing and potentially connecting with your child.

We will support you by

Sensitively sharing information in a way that is agreed
Helping you gain understanding around any information shared.
Assisting in tracing and making contact with your child

We are here to act as a supportive professional, helping you through what can be an emotional process by listening, offering advice, giving guidance and, if possible, assisting in tracing and making contact with your child.

What will happen?

You may be considering that you would like to gain more understanding around your child’s adoption and are concerned what this process could involve and how it would impact on you. We recognise that this is an emotional decision and the below explains what to expect and how we will support you.

Elements of the process

After making contact we will meet with you to have an initial conversation, during this time we will ask to check your identity and make sure we gain your permissions to continue.
We will contact the Regional Adoption Service where the adoption took place to identify where file is held and initiate a file retrieval.
If you wish to trace your child, we will undertake research to search for them.
If we are successful in tracing your child, we will attempt to make initial contact.
If your child is in agreement with meeting you, we will support this by facilitating contact.

Our Support

During the process we will also check to see if your child may have expressed a view regarding contact. Sometimes, they may have requested that they are not contacted, and we will discuss this with you and support you with this information.

We recognise that this will be an emotional time and can be difficult to wait for a response. We are here to support you and to approach your child sensitively and confidentially on your behalf. We will work with you to help with establishing contact, exchanging letters and preparing for a possible reunion.

We know that having professional and experienced intermediary support during this time can help in determining the best outcomes for all, and that this support provides reassurances, guidance, and information during this emotional process.

Throughout this time, you are also able to access further support through the services offered by our partners Adoption UK. This service is optional and you can be referred at any time should you wish.

Adoption UK Service

The loss of a child through adoption is painful and lifelong. The searching and potential reunion with an adopted person when they are an adult can bring up a wide range of complex emotions. Adoption UK can offer support to enable you to reflect on these feelings with the help of a therapist.

PATH is Adoption UK’s therapeutic service. Their clinical psychologists offer support to birth parents affected by adoption. The support offered is access to Individual therapy – providing therapeutic support on a one-to-one basis. Once a referral is received someone from the PATH team will get in touch to arrange a consultation. This will help to ensure that this is the right support for you.

Adoption UK understand that everyone will be affected by their experiences differently and that during the process of accessing information or considering contact with your adopted child you may be affected in different ways at different times. A referral for this support can be made at any time.

Contact

We understand that making a decision to access more information around the circumstances of your child’s adoption is complex and emotional. We are here to support you and offer our professional advice and guidance. If you would like more information please contact

Email: info@stdavidscs.org

Telephone: 02920 667007

One of our trained and experienced Social Workers will then be in contact to arrange a time to speak with you.

A Mother’s Story.

I left home in the late 1950’s aged 19 years to work in London, and once I was there, I found a job, a flat in a vibrant and bustling area and started a new life away from my family. I met a wonderful man and fell in love; we enjoyed spending time together as well as going to restaurants and the theatre. Around 4 months into our relationship I found out I was pregnant and told my boyfriend, soon afterwards he informed me he had to move away to complete his studies, sadly I never saw him again and I felt very upset and alone.

I informed my mother of my pregnancy when she came to visit me, she was very flustered and just left without saying much at all. I knew she would disapprove as her and my entire family were very much of the view that women should not become pregnant outside of marriage.

As my pregnancy progressed, I moved to a mother and baby home in the suburbs of London, all the young women there were informed that as unmarried women our babies would be placed for adoption if we did not have support from our families, few did. I was informed that as my boyfriend was a black man that they would not be able to find a family for my baby and after I had given birth, I would be expected to leave the facility with my baby.

And that is what happened I gave birth and was asked to leave with my child.

Life was very hard in those days as a single woman with a child who was mixed heritage, there was little compassion and a lot of prejudice expressed by many people in the community.

I was lucky I found a small room in a shared house and my landlady was very supportive of me, she even looked after my child whilst I worked. She and her husband clearly loved looking after my child and later when I decided that I could not earn enough in the UK, they encouraged and supported me to go to America to try and improve my fortunes and to provide effectively for myself and my child. I loved my child and missed her so much; however, it became clear to me that I would never earn enough or receive support from anyone who knew my story and society in general felt like a very judgmental place. In America people did not know me or my story and I decided to make the move a permanent one.

I spoke to my landlady, and she asked if I would give permission for her and her husband to adopt my child, I was thrilled and devastated in equal measures but knew that my child would probably have more opportunities to reach their full potential as the adopted child of a married couple. The adoption process was quite trickly however they were supported by their GP and eventually the court granted the adoption order. And so, I had to say goodbye to the child I loved, as I was told by the authorities that I had no rights in relation to ongoing contact with my child once the adoption was formalised.

I went on to find a new life in America, got married and had another child, however I never forgot the child I left behind.

Many years later I returned to the UK and managed to reconnect with my child many years later as an adult and they now had a family of their own, I was delighted that their life had been settled, and they had been loved. They had many and varied achievements and I was grateful to their adopted parents for helping them to progress so successfully through life.

Sadly, we lost contact as my family were hostile about me reconnecting with my child even though I was an adult.

I still feel the heart wrenching pain of being separated from my child and mourn for the life that we might have enjoyed had society been kinder and more tolerant at the time I gave birth.